She didn’t even cry.
I couldn’t believe it.
The mom set the infant down on a bench and she tumbled off to the floor!
It didn’t even faze the little girl.
Two minutes later her dad set her in a high chair and all hell broke loose.
She lost her mind, screaming her head off!
How can she fall off a two-foot high bench and not make a peep, but lose it in the security of a high chair?
We make a thousand life or death decisions every day on our commute to work and it doesn’t even faze us. Weaving in and out of traffic, changing lanes without signaling, slamming on our brakes, talking on our phones, and texting without any concern.
But if we survive the gauntlet and make it to work, presenting a new idea to our boss is paralyzing.
Challenging the status quo is only for the most courageous.
Asking for help is too much of an imposition.
Public speaking is considered people’s biggest fear.
Not dying in a car accident.
How can that be?
It is the power of shame.
There are two kinds of fear.
Legitimate fear of physical danger.
If there is a tornado outside and you duck and cover in your basement, that’s a legitimate fear.
Then there is the fear of shame.
Shame is feeling bad about who you are.
And it will prioritize potential emotional pain over physical danger.
This fear of shame is the hidden, subconscious driver of everything we do and every decision we make.
This fear makes rejection sting to the core.
It makes the unique contributors feel more like outcasts.
It makes vulnerability feel like a weakness.
It makes the confines of a high chair more threatening than a fall off a bench.
Your players are afraid.
They are afraid to fail.
They are afraid to disappoint.
Not because they don’t like to lose or don’t like the doghouse.
Because they are afraid of the shame.
Because they are afraid of what losing will say about who they are.
The next time you get so frustrated because they don’t understand what you so intelligently explained to them, or the next time you’re about to give up on them because they always cave under pressure, consider what they might be afraid of.
If you can speak to the voice of their shame, you can help them relax and focus.
And if you pay close enough attention, you might even realize you are the one adding to their voice of shame.