“Who are you playing for?” she kept asking.
Her question was on point.
I didn’t like my answer.
She had talked about Saturday morning volleyball 2s for months.
Four courts. Winners stayed and losers were off. The goal was to get to Court 1.
I had been playing for more than a year in the more social Tuesday night meet-ups. My skills were improving and my confidence was growing.
I was ready to take on the more competitive Saturday morning 2s.
It was time for Bret Burchard to reveal himself to the volleyball community.
We won our first couple games but I didn’t play so well.
Passes were erratic. Sets off the net. No solid spikes.
Then we made it to Court 1, facing the usual stakeholders, Robert and his wife. I had played him before and all I ever wanted to do is block one of his power hits and spike one in his face. His arrogance made my skin crawl. Someone needed to put him in his place.
But he knew my game too.
He served every ball to me.
Outside. Inside. Short. Long.
7-0
8-0
9-0
My heart was pounding. My muscles were tightening.
I tried to breathe through it but I couldn’t relax.
Then I tried to power through it, but my disposition devolved to cuss words and outbursts.
I was defeated.
Not by Robert.
By myself.
Flow was elusive.
Removed from the courts, I know precisely my flow blocker.
The competition was different from our normal Tuesday night crew.
I wasn’t as familiar. And they didn’t know me.
When I don’t feel special or unique, I withdraw and hide (“No, let’s just play on Tuesdays.”) or I power up and prove (“Spike it harder in his face!”).
Internally I didn’t feel like I had a place in this Saturday morning group.
I felt the need to impress rather than just show up with what I had and impact.
This will always be my kryptonite. Whether I’m playing sand volleyball, at work, or engaging in relationships.
If I’m not aware of it, I will repeatedly self-sabotage or never step out to the next great leap.
Aware of it, I can take steps towards recapturing that flow.
This is learning.
This is growing.
Are you aware of your kryptonite?
You will never completely vaccinate yourself from it. But if you are aware of it, you can build safeguards to protect yourself and you can learn how to recover when it seizes you.
Even better, you can flip the weakness into a strength.
What once crippled you can become your superpower.