2 Reasons Your New Year's Resolution Will Fail

There are two reasons your New Year’s Resolution will fail and they have nothing to do with your accountability partners, scheduling, or discipline. 

Most self-help gurus will advise you to create S.M.A.R.T. goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-sensitive. It’s a cute acronym and reads nice in books, but in practicality it’s a tedious exercise that is hard to start and even more difficult to sustain. The best thing to come out of it is an ambitious, mature-sounding ideal that impresses your friends or boss.

Goal setting can be helpful as a short-term project management strategy, but it’s not a helpful compass or long-term motivation strategy. Most goals are fragile and easily derailed by uncontrollable variables. You can read more about this in Chapter 5 of Catching Confetti.

Your Resolutions don’t fail because they aren’t specific enough, they’re too lofty, or there’s no deadline. In fact, the pressure of the deadline might be the problem. Among others, here are two main reasons why your Resolution will likely fail:

Reason #1: You rely on willpower to make surface-level changes.
To make a lasting change you have to address the root of the problem. 

Think of it like grabbing the wheel of a ship whose autopilot is set to south and turning it to north. You use all your might to override the autopilot. It works for a little while until you run out of energy. Then the wheel spins right back to its default. 

The change you’re trying to make only lasts as long as you have the energy. You won’t survive a setback, a plateau, or a disruption to the routine. 

To make a change that lasts, focus on the root of the issue. Reset the autopilot. 

Reason #2: You’re focused more on results than process. 
If you’re being honest, you’re not truly trying to make a change in your life. You’re just trying to hack your way to an outcome you think will make you happier. 

If you’re serious about growing and evolving into a better version of you, commit to a distance, not a destination. I wrote about this idea and applied it when I joined a tennis league three months ago. In the fall season I was 3-10 and lost in the first round of the playoffs. With 10 days remaining in the winter season I am 11-6 and atop the leaderboard. The only “goal” was to play more matches than anyone else and see how much I improved. Other players in the league refuse to play more matches until they improve. They’re focused on the results. I’m focused on the process.

I don’t typically set New Year’s Resolutions. For me the “year” ends with the last basketball game of the season and begins with training camp in the fall. I reevaluate in the offseason and set a vision for the qualities I want to develop in the coming season. I focus on the type of person I need to be to do the kind of work that makes the impact I want to have.

This year, however, I am making a commitment for the start of 2021. I plan to write 1-2 hours every day. I won’t be using a stopwatch, though. The only constraint is (1) do it every day, (2) do it long enough to get into flow, (3) stop when I’m finished. 

There is no pressure to produce a new book or change the world.
There is no pressure to go longer than I have the inspiration for.
I plan to write every day, long enough to connect ideas, and short enough to leave encouraged to do it again tomorrow.
I’ll commit to it for as long as it’s serving me well in the pursuit of the type of person I want to become to make the impact I want to have.

What is your New Year’s Resolution?
How will it hold up when January becomes February, when Monday becomes Wednesday and then Saturday, when sunshine becomes snow and ice?

Who do you want to become in 2021?
What is keeping you from being that type of person?
What routines can you commit to that will survive the long haul?

If you’re ready to ditch the same old practices and make an investment that truly brings lasting change from year-to-year, join me on the 8-week Catching Confetti journey. 

When life stings you

This is G.

He’s a 65-pound pit bull.
All muscle. 

There’s nothing that makes G cower.
He’s the toughest dog at the park. 
Coyotes run from him and javelinas don’t mess with him. 
Not even a shock collar turned up to high phases him. 

His evening pass time is to torture bugs and insects.
He sniffs them, dances around them, and when they’re done playing, he stomps on them. 

The other night he finally met his match. 
He tried to play with a scorpion. 

Scorpions don’t play. 

When he got too close the scorpion stung him.
Made G jump out of his paws. 

He whimpered and crawled into my wife’s lap for comfort.

It was the first time I had ever seen him subdued.

No matter how strong you are, we all reach the end of our mental toughness at some point.
It’s the point when our ego takes the bait and powers up or retreats and hides to protect itself.

Your ego is not the enemy.
It’s the part of you that is ready to become.
It’s the part of you that isn’t as developed as you want it to be. It’s pushing against the walls and it makes you feel insecure when it’s exposed or threatened as vulnerable.

It’s the clue and signal to where you can grow next.
The first step is to notice it.

What’s the thing in life that stings you?
When you get stung, what does your ego turn to for comfort?

Commit to a distance, not a destination

After graduating high school, Iga Swiatek gave herself two years to crack the WTA Top 100 before deciding if she would go to college or not.

While experiencing success at the junior levels and on other professional circuits, Swiatek had not won a WTA tour event, reaching just one Final at the Ladies Open Lugano. Her best finish at any Grand Slam event (you know, the tournaments you actually hear about) was the fourth round.

However, along the way she was picking up upset victories over Top 100 opponents, gaining valuable experience, improving her game, and climbing the rankings.

At age 17 she made her debut in the Top 100 and at age 19 she won her first Grand Slam event, becoming the lowest-ranked French Open champion in the history of the WTA rankings.

Swiatek’s path to a breakthrough at the French Open included multiple “breakthroughs” along the way: her first main-draw qualification at a major, her first win over a Top 100 opponent, her first direct acceptance into a main draw, her first win over a Top 50 opponent, a cross-court forehand drop shot that was voted WTA Shot of the Year, her first win over a Top 20 opponent.

Swiatek committed to a distance, not a destination.

When you commit to a distance you go all in with no plan B.
You force yourself to find resilience and to solve problems.
You give your brain and your body time to adjust to new rhythms and patterns.
You give your community time to change how they see you and how they treat you.
You give yourself a chance to experience all of the emotional highs and lows, and force yourself to recover from both.
You build up some callouses.
You hit enough shots that you might hit the shot of the year.
You also make a lot of errors. But the errors don’t crush you because the goal was more about surviving than accomplishing; survive long enough to grow and learn until you’re ready to accomplish.
When you commit to a distance the focus is on growing and learning as much as possible. As soon as you start keeping score the mindset changes.

In the spring, my wife and I began playing tennis regularly. After a month of playing I felt good enough to take on some more serious competition. In the fall I signed up for a league. In this particular league, players schedule their own matches, as many as we want. To qualify for the playoffs we have to play at least six matches and win three. I didn’t expect to be the best player in the league, but I thought if I played enough matches I could get close. So, I committed to playing more matches than anyone else.

By the time I reached my sixth match, I needed just one more win to qualify for the playoffs. The goal was to play as many matches in the season as possible, so making the playoffs would give me the opportunity to play more matches.

Going into my sixth match I needed just one more win to qualify for the playoffs.
I lost.
Should have won. Gave it away on a technicality because I’m too nice.

Then I scheduled a rematch with an earlier loss.
I had improved. I knew I could beat him and was eager for the revenge.

I lost in the third set on a tiebreaker.

Match #8 was against another player looking for one more win to make the playoffs.
Me vs. him for the playoff berth.

I lost.

I checked the standings.
I compared my scores to others who I should have beaten.
I tallied games won vs. lost, trying to convince myself I wasn’t as bad as my record.

If I just cut down on my errors I would start winning more matches.

In match #10 I kept track.
By my ninth unforced error I slammed my racket into the court, bending the frame.

The original goal was to play more matches than anyone else.
To play enough matches that my body could hold up in a third set tiebreaker.
To play enough sets that I would learn the game within the game.
To hit enough ground strokes I would learn the drop shot.

But then I started keeping score.

I needed to win.
Errors became an indictment on my abilities rather than a lesson to be learned.
The standings defined my status in the league.
I combined my tennis record to other losses in my life to prove it was true.
The narrative spiraled out of control.
My racket didn’t survive the mental avalanche.

Commit to a distance, not a destination.

Resist the urge to keep track of the score, because once you start counting you’ll run out of patience.

A little bit of I don't care

January 13, 2018.
Snowmass, Colorado.
It’s the third Olympic qualifier of the year for the half-pipe snowboarding with the winter Olympic games just around the corner.

Shaun White is the Olympic favorite and was already plastered across posters and marketing campaigns as the leader of Team USA. Except there was one problem.

He hadn’t qualified for the Olympics yet.

He had just three runs remaining in the competition to make the cut and live up to the enormous expectations.

Dropping into the half-pipe for his first run, his legs gave out on the first jump. He was too amped up. Crash and burn.

On the second run, every hit was going perfect. Then, for some reason, on the final jump he changed his technique on a spur of the moment decision and fell.

His glory moment was turning into a nightmare.

With the weather turning bad and the pressure increasing, it was a long chairlift ride back to the top. Fatigue was setting in. His legs felt like they were going to give out. Visions of failure and letdown began to creep through his head.

Back at the top of the half-pipe for his third and final run, he and his coach were collaborating on game plan when they were interrupted by the public address announcer shouting his name. With no warning the event director gave him a tap on the back urging him to begin his run. “Go! Go! Drop in!”

White turned to his coach. “What do we do?”

His coach responded, “Just try to win it! Go crazy on the first hit.”

White said that first hit woke him up and he nailed every subsequent jump.
Except none of it was prepared.
They didn’t have a plan for the final jump.

“What am I going to do?” he asked himself.

Then the answer came: “Be the guy you know you are.”

Surrendered to the brilliance of his instincts, White nailed the final jump and scored a perfect 100 on the run. It was only the second time they had ever handed out a perfect score on the half-pipe.

Afterward, White reflected on what it took to perform on the biggest stage under the brightest lights in an all-or-nothing moment.

You are “completely focused on what you have to do, but have a slight bit of ‘I don’t care what happens’. You need that thing to take the pressure off, to put it into perspective.”

The people who perform well under pressure don’t feel the pressure.

Not because they don’t care about the results.
They do care.
But they know the results do not define them.
They have learned how to separate who they are from their performance.

And they have learned how to quiet the analytical mind and surrender their skills to instincts.

When it matters most, they aren’t micromanaging technique.
They are relaxed in “the person you know you are” with a boldness and courage that says, “I don’t care what happens.”

They find Relaxed Intensity.

*Story retold from Shaun White’s episode of The Greatness Code on Apple TV+

What Lebron felt before Game 6

2012
NBA Playoffs
Eastern Conference Finals
Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics
Game 5 in Miami
Series tied 2-2

Paul Pierce hits a jumper over Lebron James to win the game for the Celtics and take a 3-2 lead in the best-of-seven series. The two teams head to Boston for Game 6, an elimination game for Lebron and the Heat. Lose this game and it’s possible the famous Miami Heat Big 3 of Lebron, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh is broken up after just two seasons and without a title (after promising not one, not two, not three, not four…).

Boston is a notoriously zealous sports town that is not exactly welcoming to visiting opponents. While re-telling this story in his episode of the Greatness Code on Apple TV+, Lebron said he always had an anxious feeling when going to Boston to play, especially in the playoffs.

But this time was different.

This time, he said, he “felt absolutely nothing.”

“The day before and the day of the game I said absolutely nothing to nobody. When the game started, I felt nothing.”

Feeling nothing resulted in a 45-point, 15-rebound, 5-assist performance and a Heat win. The series went back to Miami where the Heat clinched a berth in the Finals and went on to win their first of two back-to-back championships. The New York Times called Lebron’s Game 6 a “career-defining performance.”

The people who perform well under pressure don’t have some unique gene or talent that is unattainable.
At some point in their lives they learned a powerful secret.

Pressure is a mental construct.

It is the result of a lie that is imposed on the moment from outside voices - and an internal narrative.
It’s a lie that makes you believe that who you are is riding on the results of your performance.
When who you are is defined by what you do then your performance in any one moment has the potential to crush you. The moment becomes more than just an experience to learn from or to enjoy. It carries the weight of your identity. And that’s too heavy a burden for anyone to perform well under.

The people who perform well under pressure understand that who they are is not defined by what they do.
When your identity is not on the line you can engage the moment with a non-anxious presence.
You don’t force your will onto the situation in order to get something from it. You relax and give the moment exactly what it needs.
You can surrender your skills to your instincts and trust your training and experience when it matters most.

The people who perform well under pressure don’t feel the pressure.

1 action to change your life

Most of my friends know me as a basketball coach, a basketball junkie. Some might even say a "basketball lifer" although I feel in some respects my life is just beginning.

But it is where life started: On the first day of Dad's summer basketball camp. 
It's where life was nurtured: My sister and I took naps in the ball cage as infants.
And it is where I was raised: After school I walked across the street to watch my dad's team practice. 

I did homework on the scorer's table while dad lectured his teams, about basketball, yes, but mostly about life and character and being a good human being. Whether he realized it or not, he was lecturing me too. 

Then I went to college and played basketball and listened to another Hall of Fame coach lecture about basketball, but mostly about life and character and being a good human being. 

The two most influential men in my life both coached basketball. But both believed their true calling was to invest in and develop people. Basketball was the vehicle to speak to a deeper mission.

That's what I was raised to believe: A coach is a teacher. 
And that - coaching - has been ingrained in my DNA.

Playing basketball is fun.
Winning games is fun.
Competition is fun. 

But if you're only trying to win games, it becomes a shallow pursuit. If it doesn't change your life, does it really matter?

Or more importantly, it will change your life if you are fully engaged in it. Is it changing it for better or for worse?

Our experiences are constantly shaping our brains and the narrative we tell ourselves about the world, about who we are, and about who we are becoming. How we think about and interpret those experiences will change the way act, react, behave, and decide. 

So, as I reflect on my journey, I notice that every great transformation in my life started with one shift:

A change in the way I think.

Sure, the self-disciplines added, the habits broken or rebuilt, and the community involved aided those transformations, but all of those actions followed a change in thinking. 

The realization for me became: If I want to make a lasting impact on people's lives, it has to start with helping them shift the way they think. 

Shift the way you think
Transform the way you live

Playing, pursuing winning, and competing reveal truths that transcend basketball. They transcend sports. They transcend any one sector of life.

Truth is truth. 

Whether it's found in sports, at work, or at home; whether it's applied to developing yourself, leading your family, or engaging in community; it knows no bounds. 

But...
I'm tired of the regurgitated self-help library.
I'm tired of the same old leadership fads.
I'm tired of hearing about the 3 easy steps to changing your life.

Here's 1 step to changing your life:

Change the way you think.

It's not always easy.
But it's worth it.

2 critical shifts to make

Have you tried to apply a big change to your life but came up short?
Have you experienced the fruits of change only to revert back to your old ways?

More discipline, rigid rules, and peer pressure help but don’t result in lasting change.

If you want to make a lasting transformational change in your life, you have to start with the way you think.

How you think affects how you behave, the decisions you make, and the health of your relationships. When you neglect the state of your mind, you leave everything else up to chance.

Where you feel stuck, frustrated, or uninspired can be fixed with a shift in the way you think.

Without a mindset shift then all of your changes will be temporary. They won’t survive the next obstacle or setback. They will only last as long as your caffeine high. If you don’t change the autopilot, then your changes will only last as long as you have the energy to hold the wheel.

Here are two critical shifts to make in the way you think:

1. Shift in focus

We are obsessed with two questions:
Do they like me?
Am I doing a good job?

Our focus is consumed with belonging/acceptance and validation of our performance. It is driving our reactions and our decision-making; at home, at work, in our community.

Instead, shift your thinking to this: “Who I am is not defined by what I do or who I am in relationship with.”

Shift your focus from what you are accomplishing to who you are becoming.

2. Shift in presense
When we feel the pressure to perform well, get results, and be liked, life stresses us out.
We force our will onto life, micromanage conditions, and just try harder.

Instead, shift your presence to this: “I will cooperate with what is unfolding.”

The obstacles you face are not an opponent to conquer with more intensity.
They’re also not an oppressor we have to be victims to.
They are an opportunity to grow you; to upgrade your thinking, your skills, or your strategies.

Relax, seek clarity, and harness the circumstances for your advantage.

You don’t have to be passively shaped by what happens to you in life. As my buddy Chris McAlister said, “You are not the causal agent of all your life’s circumstances.” But you can take ownership of your growth and be intentional about the way you think.

Because transformational change begins with shifting the way you think.

3 ways we can help

I have been told that getting someone to change their thinking is a supernatural event.
That trying to change someone’s mind is a waste of time.

So I’m not going to try.

ChampionShift isn’t here to tell you what to believe.
It isn’t here to impose specific behavior patterns.

That’s what everyone else is doing.

That’s what everyone else has already done.

You see, most of your decisions, actions, and behaviors have been shaped by what tradition or influential people have pressured you to do. You may not have interpreted it as pressure, but underneath the surface you felt a desire to belong or to be validated, so you acted accordingly.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a simple test for you to try:
In everything you do, ask yourself, “Who told you that?”

When I was an assistant coach for the Phoenix Suns’ G League team our head coach wanted to prepare me for a future opportunity as a head coach. So, he named me head coach of our team for our last game of the season. He acted as an assistant, making suggestions about substitutions, play calls and adjustments. I called the timeouts and called the shots.

As soon as the ball was tipped, I stood out of my seat and marched up and down the sideline for the rest of the game.

Why?

Who decided that coaches should stand and shout during a game?

Who told you that you are supposed to be angry after a loss?
Who told you that you couldn’t take any days off if you wanted to be successful?
Who told you that your success was dependent on your record?
Who told you that this was a “high-pressure” moment?

Who told you that the outcome determined your value?
Who told you that you weren’t old enough or good enough to make an impact?
Who told you that there was only one role worthy of celebration?
Who told you that you had to be heard to be seen?

ChampionShift doesn’t exist to convince you of one way to climb the mountain.
It doesn’t exist to impose a lifestyle on you.

ChampionShift exists to help you open your eyes to what you couldn’t see before.

This blindness isn’t because of anything you've done wrong.
We are all products of the same system.
It’s a system that lacks leaders who help us peek into our own soul and see clearly through our own eyes.

That’s what we do.

ChampionShift stands on three pillars to help you chart your own path, stand up and perform your best under pressure, and regain clarity in the midst of chaos.

1. CONTENT
Transformative content that digs below the surface and unearths the root of your problems and the seed that will produce the most growth.

2. COACHING
Expert coaching that customizes to your unique experience, guides you to your own understanding, and accelerates your growth.

3. COMMUNITY
Research has shown that you become like the people you surround yourself with. You can force community onto your life to pressure you into change or you can join a group of people who match your thirst for learning and growing. We are attracting a community of ambitious people who can’t stop exploring the edges of their abilities.

This is just the beginning.
Are you investing in your own personal growth journey?
Or are you succumbing to the patterns and influences of everyone else?

We don’t need more of them.
We need more of you.

Everything you need to become the champion you desire is already inside you.

We can help bring it out.

The hidden driver, fear

We weren't necessarily lost.
But we didn't know exactly where we were.

We were pretty sure we knew where we were going.
But we weren't entirely sure where we would end up.

We were following along a creek.
And based on the map we printed out from the internet, it was supposed to intersect with the original creek we were camping along.

Only two problems:

1. There was no trail along the creek we were following. We were bushwhacking our way down the mountain. 

2. Just before it intersects with our creek it forks into two directions. If we went left we would end up farther from our campsite and heading in the wrong direction.

We had to stay right, but didn't know when it would fork.

After about an hour trudging along the creek we finally hit a trail.
It was a relief! And encouragement that we were close!

Until the trail veered off to the left. 
Now we were worried.

We couldn't go left. Our campsite was to the right.

So we backtracked. 
Back across the creek to the right.
Up a hill. Through the weeds. Down a mud-slicked hill. 
Losing sight of our compass, the creek, committed to the belief that we had to stay to the right.

Fear makes us do silly things. Irrational things.
In hindsight, they are dumb decisions.
But in the moment we can't see any other option.
We fear we may end up lost.

We eventually found our way back to the campsite.

Out of curiosity, the next day we re-traced our steps.
With a relaxed mind and a clearer view, we discovered that the trail we had found was a beautiful scenic stroll right back to our campsite. No thorn bushes to chop through. No hills to ascend. No mudslides to descend. 
Just a better way in a different direction.

Fear makes you lose sight of your compass.
It stresses your mind and clouds your view.
It makes you do silly, irrational things, that in hindsight will be seen as dumb decisions.

If you don't attune your mindset to the fears that are driving your reactions and decision-making, then you're going to unconsciously choose pathways that lead you into the thorn bushes and down some muddy hills with no traction.

If you don't think you have any fears driving your reactions and decision-making, then go ahead, continue following the map someone posted on the internet. I'll be here when you find yourself stuck. 

When nothing seems to go right.

You've had one of those days haven't you?
When nothing seems to work. Every solution you try seems to fail. You're stuck and all you feel is resistance. 

And it gets worse:
You run out of ideas. You don't know what to try next.

There's only one explanation left: 

You're not cut out for this. 

It's the lie we all resort to when none of our solutions work and we run out of ideas. The struggle reaches the level of our identity and who we are.

When we let the weight of our identity rest on our ability to solve problems, get things done, or come up with new ideas, it blocks the pathway to exactly what we need to move forward.

We need help.

But we can't ask for help because no one else is having the same struggle. We risk being exposed for the fraud that we really are. It will only confirm our suspicions that we don't belong in this line of work or among this group of people.

Or so we believe.

Shame makes us believe that we are the only ones with this struggle. That everyone else is killing it and the only reason we aren't is because we are broken, less than, or in the wrong space. 

We believe we weren't made for this.

The truth is, you weren't made for specific work, a particular role, or a relationship.

You were made to live.

You were made to experience joy, purpose and belonging.

Not to achieve those things, but to receive them. They are a gift with no prerequisite or strings attached.

 The lies we believe about how to experience those things lead us to have "those kind of days." The kind of days when nothing seems to work right. When all we face is resistance.

The days that make us begin to believe maybe we're not cut out for this.

It's not you.

You are more than your problems.
You are more than the solutions to those problems.
You are more than your ability to be creative and innovative.

Who you are is not on the line.

Remove your identity from the picture and embrace the struggle. Ask for help and find out what you learn.

It may actually lead to more joy, purpose and belonging.

On the other side of your struggle is a beautiful breakthrough. But you have to keep going to experience it.